When your toddler hits
How to respond with calm, confidence, and connection
If you’re in a season where your toddler is hitting, spitting, swatting, or lashing out, take a deep breath—you are not failing, and your child is not broken. This stage feels overwhelming for so many moms, and it often brings up frustration, confusion, and even guilt. But the truth is this: hitting is developmentally normal for young children, and you can guide them through it with peace.
Toddlers don’t yet have the language or impulse control to express big emotions the way we want them to. Their little bodies feel frustration, fear, disappointment, and anger long before they have the words to describe what’s going on inside. Hitting becomes their way of communicating, not because they’re defiant, but because they’re still learning how to be human.
That’s where we come in—not as perfect parents, but as powerful, steady leaders in their world.
Pulling your presence, not your love
One of the most effective ways to respond to hitting is surprisingly simple: calmly remove yourself from the behavior. Walk away. Not in punishment, and not in coldness—just a clear message that “I’m not going to be around behavior that hurts.”
Your presence is a powerful teacher. When your child sees that hitting causes you to step away, while calm and kind behavior brings you close, they begin to understand what relationships should feel like. You’re modeling boundaries in a way their brain can understand.
This isn’t withdrawal of love. It’s showing them what love looks like in action: safety, gentleness, respect, connection.
Give them the words they don’t yet have
Toddlers who hit are almost always trying to say something. They just don’t know how.
You can help them make sense of their own feelings by naming what you see:
“You look really frustrated.”
“I can tell you’re upset about cleaning up.”
“It seems like you didn’t like what Mommy said.”
They may not confirm it verbally, but your acknowledgment signals, “I see you. I understand you. I’m here to help you.” Over time, they learn to reach for words instead of their hands.
And for some kids—especially sensory seekers—what they actually need in moments of overwhelm is a hug. Offering comfort when they don’t “deserve” it is a direct picture of the Father’s heart: grace that meets us right where we are.
Remember: this is a long game
We all wish one conversation could solve the hitting forever—but parenting doesn’t work that way. This is a journey of repetition, practice, and patience. Your consistency is shaping the culture of your home and teaching your child how to be in relationship with others.
You’re not raising a toddler for today—you’re raising a future adult who knows how to communicate, regulate, and love well.
So stay steady. Keep modeling calm. Keep naming feelings. Keep stepping away from harmful behavior and stepping close to their heart.
You’re doing better than you think. And your child is learning more than you see.
