How to lead your kids with questions instead of lectures

Have you ever caught yourself mid-lecture—watching your child’s eyes glaze over—and realized your words aren’t sinking in the way you hoped?

We’ve all been there. We see the mistake they’re making, the path they’re on, and we just want to tell them what to do. But the truth is, lasting change doesn’t happen through lectures—it happens through discovery. And that discovery begins with asking the right questions.

Why questions matter

When we ask a question, it activates a completely different part of the brain than when we’re just being told something.
A question invites curiosity. It turns the brain’s “search mode” on, creating space for thought, imagination, and problem-solving.

That’s why your child is far more likely to remember something they figure out themselves than something they’re simply told.

Instead of saying, “You need to apologize,” try:

“How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
“What do you think would help make things right?”

These kinds of questions don’t just correct behavior—they develop empathy, critical thinking, and emotional maturity.

Coaching instead of commanding

Think of it like this: when you guide your child through questions, you become more of a coach than a commander.
You’re still leading, but you’re doing it side-by-side instead of from above.

That shift changes the atmosphere completely. It moves the moment from tension to connection. Instead of power struggles, you build trust. Instead of defensiveness, you open hearts.

And yes, it takes practice—because many of us weren’t raised this way. We were told what to do, not guided to understand why. So as parents, this becomes both a mindset and a muscle we have to build.

The way Jesus taught

When you read through the Gospels, you’ll notice that Jesus often led with questions.
He didn’t just give information; He invited transformation.

“Who do you say that I am?”
“Why are you so afraid?”
“Do you want to be healed?”

Jesus knew that a question draws out the heart—it helps us think, reflect, and own our response.

As parents, when we lead our kids through questions, we’re doing the same thing: creating space for the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts.

Practice this week

This week, pause before you lecture.
Take a breath.
And instead of telling, start asking.

Let your child process what’s happening, what they want, and what they think would be wise. It might take longer, but the growth you’ll see—in them and in yourself—will be worth it.

Because parenting isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about helping our kids learn how to find them—with wisdom, love, and grace.

Kingdom Motherhood Challenge:
Ask more, tell less. Try using questions to lead your kids through one situation this week—big or small—and watch how it changes your connection.